Maja's Musings

Long Overdue!

2008-11-28T17:54:00.006-06:00

So, I know it was over a month ago, actually almost two, but I wanted you all to know that I did it! I trained all summer, flew to Washington D.C. and ran the Army Ten Miler. Liz and I did the whole thing...without stopping. The big reason I ran the race in the first place was for TAPS, in honor of my brother. Liz said to me "Christian would be so proud" and that was it, I was committed. I couldn't turn back. My mom and I flew out on Thursday, at the crack of dawn, actually, before the crack of dawn. We had a lovely visit with the Minneapolis airport and on we flew to Reagan National Airport. My cousin Stephanie, who's family moved to DC just weeks before, picked us up and we headed out to see the new Hattix family home. It was beautiful! And, as always, Steph, Larry, Naomi, Laurel, and Isaiah were so welcoming. I miss having them in Wisconsin!

On Thursday, my mom, Stephanie, and I went out to Arlington National Cemetery to see Christian's headstone. This, this was a very strange experience. I wasn't sure what my reaction would be and I'm still unsure of what exactly I felt, but it was eerie, and surreal. To see the stone, with Christian's name on it made his death, somehow even more real, even more final, if that's even possible. The long rows of headstones, so evenly placed, and carefully kept each represented a life. Many of them given as young men in active duty, before what seems right. It was simultaneously heartbreaking and honoring. Hard and sad, but I'm glad I went.

As for the run, we were up bright and early for the walk to the Pentagon to join with over 25,000 other runners. It was exciting and energizing to run with so many people. The Star Spangled Banner was sung and as it was ending a formation of UH-60 Blackhawks flew over the crowd. I'm not sure if anyone who wasn't there remembers, but there was a Blackhawk flyover, exactly like that, at Christian's burial service at Arlington. To see the Army salute Christian like that and then salute a crowd of 25,000 runners the same way spoke volumes of Christian's service for our country.

The run went well, it took a bit longer than I'd hoped but my feet kept going the entire time. We had cheerleaders at Miles 4, 6, and 8, complete with signs and yelling and cameras. Looking forward to seeing my family along the route was such an encouragement! Lars (in his jeans), Ethan, and Laura joined us for the final two miles. That was awesome, because I really thought that Mile 9 was out to get me and Lars was such a great encouragement:) Liz got a little ahead when Lars started running with me (or maybe I got behind), but she waited and we found a burst of energy and finished fast and strong. People talk about a "runner's high" but I think that I had a high all day long, just from finishing:)

To all of you have supported me in this adventure...THANK YOU!

Later in the day we walked around downtown in DC and I needed help from Lars in another way...

Running Recap

2008-09-29T11:14:00.007-05:00

The Army Ten-Miler is six days away, I thought you'd like to know how I went from zero to ten in one summer! Here is a recap of how my training went for the Army Ten-Miler. For those of you who follow the blog I've made a comment here and there about running and how its been going, but I thought a retrospective of the summer of running would be appropriate.

Over Memorial Day weekend my sister-in-law went to a conference in Washington DC that was run by and organization called TAPS, Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors. Their purpose is to provide support, in any number of ways, to families who have lost a loved one in the military. Liz was impressed by their programs and when presented with the opportunity to run the Army Ten-MIler on the TAPS team she said yes. Then she called me. Somehow, probably because she said the phrase "Christian would be so proud" I agreed to run with her.

My first training run came end of May/beginning of June and I've been training ever since. I thought for sure I'd be able to run 2 miles with no problem...not so. I was sucking wind and my feet felt like lead and I thought my heart was going to explode. I stopped short of the two miles. Was I going to make it?!?

Thanks to the encouragement of many friends (thank you Jadon, Meg, Jess, Jen, Laura, Liz, Amy, and Mr. MacKay) I kept going. Each time I needed to add mileage I had a friend with me cheering me on. Any time I needed to add a mile I had someone with me to keep me going. I wanted to hit Jadon when he made me run up the hill to finish three miles. I thought four would be impossible at the Fire Cracker Four on July 4th, but Mr. MacKay stuck with me for the last mile and made encouraging comments all the while. I think Jess was with me for five miles, at the crack of dawn before it got hot...such a good friend. I made six when I went to the North Country to visit Liz and the Nordberg clan; that was a great run! I knew then that I would be able to make ten. Amy made me keep going and going and going when we did seven. Two weekends ago I jumped to nine. That was a hard run, but my mom and her cousin Meghan met me a little more than half way with water... so fun to have a little cheering section as I met them by the lake.

Those, along with countless other runs in between make me feel like I'm ready! I really do feel like Christian would be proud. To all of you who have asked me about how training was going and to those encouraged me along the way, a big hearty Thank You! One special thanks to Kristin Suidak, mom of Olivia who takes violin with me. She has been a great encouragement and source of information along the way. Plus a great mom, I love teaching Olivia!

One more shameless plug... If you are interested in supporting me in this run I have a page on the TAPS website where I am raising funds that will go directly to families who have lost a loved one in the military. Every donation is greatly appreciated! Hopefully the link below will work, otherwise you can just paste it into your address line. Thanks to all!

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=273178&supid=223384751

Once Again... ARMY TEN-MILER

2008-09-16T13:19:00.001-05:00

Just a reminder... its quickly approaching!

Dear Family and Friends,

On October 5, 2008 (less than three weeks) I will be running in support of our nation’s surviving military families by participating with the TAPS “2008 Run and Remember Team" in the Army Ten-Miler race.

The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) is a non-profit organization that reaches out to families and loved ones who have suffered the loss of a loved one in the Armed Forces.

TAPS provides on-going emotional help, hope, and healing to all Military surivors. They provide peer support services 24-hours a day, hold Survivor Seminars and Good Grief Camps for both adults and children to help them work through their grief. My sister-in-law was very impressed by what they had to offer and how they helped in the face of great loss. She asked me to run with her, so here I am.

This year, I will be running in memory of my brother, Captain Christian Philip Skoglund. Many of you knew Christian and to know him was to love him! He is missed every day. If you are able, please help me to honor his memory by supporting me in this race. Funds raised by this event flow directly into TAPS' programs which support the families of our brave men and women who gave the ultimate sacrifice for this great nation.

For more information on TAPS' programs, visit www.taps.org.

"Remember the Love, Celebrate the Life, Share the Journey."

Sincerely,

Maja Kay Skoglund

Here is the link to my TAPS page:

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=273178&lis=1&kntae273178=AC358C0FCBB74BF1A2A94152E380F032&supId=223384751

Training Day

2008-08-29T09:34:00.000-05:00

7 miles. All running. Booya.

Washington D.C. Here I come!

2008-08-02T19:06:00.002-05:00

Christian would have been 32 today. I wish that I could sing Happy Birthday to him and then follow up with Underwater, Opera, Southern, and Football renditions of Happy Birthday for him. I'm not exactly sure what to do on a day like today, but (at the risk of sounding like a broken record) I miss him a whole lot and I wish he was here.

Mini Update

2008-07-29T23:50:00.004-05:00

Its been a while, I know. I've been a little disconnected from the blogging world. So much has happened since I last wrote. I'm still running, I still don't love running, but gradually I'm adding miles and I think, that by October 5 I'll be able to run the Ten Miler. We'll see...I think both Liz and Rachael are ahead of me in their training. Even though the actual running isn't fantastic yet, it's getting better, and I really love how I'm feeling after my runs are done. I've found a few people who will do some running with me, so I stay relatively motivated. I should go six and a half miles this week...we'll see.

I ran the Firecracker Four on July 4 and then promptly headed home and got in a fender bender. Apparently being hit from behind is not always the other person's fault. The man who hit me talked the police officer into citing me for the accident that happened from behind me. Frustrating, but it probably was my fault. That is why we have insurance, right? All will be settled except I need to find a replacement for dear Hans, the Jetta that has faithfully gotten me to and fro for the past few years. He's drive-able for the time being, but I need a new car. If anyone has a lead on an economical little car, let me know!

What else? I bought a plane ticket to go and visit Elizabeth, the Nordberg's, and the North Country for a week in August. It will be great! I'm excited to see her new house and help with whatever 'projects' that need doing. Hopefully the weather will be nice and we'll get to do some water sports, that should be good. She just got all of her household goods from storage, where they have been since being packaged up in Italy. It will be nice to see some of the things that Christian and Liz shared, but tough at the same time, I'm sure. I really miss him, a lot.

More to come soon...I think. Stay posted!

ME?!?! RUNNING!?!?

2008-06-04T23:38:00.009-05:00

My sister-in-law, Liz called me last Sunday and left me a message asking me to run the Army Ten-Miler in October. TEN MILES!! I've never even ran half of that, but somehow, I said yes. So, after registering for the run, buying new shoes, and going for a weeks worth of training runs (four of them, one every other day so far) I'm on my way to the big 1-0!

Everybody I've talked to says I'll be fine, and that I've got plenty of time to train...plenty! Still, I'm feeling the pressure of a deadline and I'm actually serious about doing this. I'm starting small, but every run is feeling easier for a longer time!

I'm running in memory of my brother on a team for an organization called TAPS. Liz went to a seminar they had in D.C. over Memorial Day and said that they are an excellent organization that help families who have lost loved ones in the military. If you're interested in knowing more about it just take a look at this link:

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=273178&lis=1&kntae273178=D07D8D1349C942199E417032DB3C4F50&supId=223384751

When I finally agreed to do this Liz said "Christian would be so proud of us," and you know what? That made me smile! It really would, he would have been running right along side of us!

Memorial Day 2008

2008-05-26T23:17:00.004-05:00

I have so many memories that have been playing through my head, and to start talking about them would be to never finish. Every day, I remember. To know him was to love him!

In light of today, Memorial Day 2008, I say in honor of my brother, Captain Christian Skoglund and to all who serve or have served in the military, thank you.

South Carolina and the Hope in Sun

2008-05-23T10:17:00.005-05:00

I know this seems a little after the fact, but our family trip (unfortunately, minus Lars) to South Carolina was such a good time. Since then, I've been trying to brainstorm ideas for how to spend more time on the beach than working. So far the only plausible ideas are: a. winning the lottery, or, b. finding a long lost rich uncle. Neither of those things seem to be panning out so I guess I'll have to enjoy vacation for what it is, vacation. I keep trying to convince myself that living at the beach and spending my days sun-bathing, drinking iced coffee, shopping, and exercising would get boring. I guess I'm not very self convince-able.

After spending a week on the beach on Hilton Head Island and soaking the sun deep into my bones, I am ready for summer! It is the middle of May and I feel as if the temperatures should be on the upswing, but they seem to be hovering around coldish. However, we have had days and days of mostly sunny skies. The sun does great things to help me see and remember that God is still good, even and especially in the midst of hard. The sun reminds me that spring is coming and that spring brings new life and a reminder that He is in control of that life, whatever that may look like. This I know in my head, and I'm trying to let it sink into my heart and remember, even feel it at the core of who I am.

Every day, because of His grace.

2008-05-08T15:57:00.004-05:00

Its been six months today. I miss him every day and I still wish it were different.

Mrs Nordberg wrote a beautiful entry today, it echoes so much of what I feel.

Take a look: margaretnordberg.blogspot.com

To Christian I still say - SEE YOU LATER!

Four More Sleeps!

2008-04-25T10:14:00.001-05:00

Hilton Head here I come. I think I can hear it... Listen carefully... Wait... It's calling my name... Yup, I'm sure of it. The sun, sand, and sunscreen are all calling. "Maja, Maja, when are you coming?" To that I answer, just four more sleeps!

Warmer Times Ahead

2008-03-07T10:03:00.003-06:00

Atlantic waters
Hilton Head beckons me come
Warm sandy beaches

Thank you kayak.com, thank you. Courtesy of the searching services of this wonderful website I will be on my way to Hilton Head, SC in less than two months. It seems like an eternity away, but I can't wait! By the end of April it will be oh, so warm! And while the weather will be warming up here, I will be in a bathing suit, lying on the beach, soaking up the sun.

Just two days ago our family purchased plane tickets to join the Nordberg family at the beach in South Carolina! Even the thought of the beach seems to lift my spirits! When the sun soaks deep in my bones I can feel myself unwind and relax. I know that I complain about the weather...a lot...but there is good news brewing on that front. I just heard on the radio that we should be feeling significantly warmer weather by the middle of next week.

My brother used to say that anything beyond 36 hours was pure speculation, but today I'm choosing to believe the meteorologists. My sanity depends on it.

A Long Case of the Mondays

2008-03-04T19:43:00.001-06:00

The blog was just on hiatus for a wee bit, don't worry I'm still going to post. I think I had a very, very long case of the Monday's, otherwise known as February. I know that it is my birthday month and celebrating is always fun, but I've got to tell you all...I'm sick of the cold. I was talking with Liz the other day and we were both saying that we feel as if our only topic of conversation is how we wish that the weather would change, and yet it stays just as frigid as ever. I know that I really have nothing to complain about, seeing as I was able to go to the tropics in January, but here I am, complaining nonetheless.

I've been emailing back and forth with a friend who has become very dear to me in the past couple of months and I was thinking today when I received her message that I am truly blessed to have friends (and even people I don't know of) who have come up alongside of me over the past months. I am reminded by many people throughout my days and weeks that I am being remembered and prayed for in this hour of grief. To all who have sent an encouraging word or who have been holding us all up in prayer...from the bottom of my heart thank you. You are loved and appreciated by me.

I've been sad, I am sad and my insides hurt in a way that was completely foreign to me on November 7, 2007. This thing, this grief, has become my constant companion. It seems to have a personality and a mind and will all its own. Some days are good and there are good times with friends, laughing, fun stuff, but the underlying current of my emotions can just be draining.

Ehhh...after reading back over that it sounds pretty sad a depressing. I know there is still abundant good in my life that I have to be thankful for. I know this and I know that God is good and that he is holding me up with his everlasting arms. Praise the Lord for those strong arms of strength!

Blizzard of '08

2008-02-08T19:53:00.000-06:00

I went to bed on Tuesday night happy because school was already called off for the next day! When I got up on Wednesday I was still thrilled at the unexpected day off, but unsure what all the hype was about. They said "snow emergency," but there was just a slushy mess outside. But the meteorologists were unwilling to go back on their predictions of 14-16 inches of the white stuff. They kept saying oh, it will start in earnest soon, soon, soon.

Sure enough around noon on Wednesday I looked out my window to a virtual white out. I couldn't see the apartment building across the street. Seriously, it was great. I hung out with my new roommie (and old one, once they let her out of work early) in our pajamas till nearly 2:30pm. I braved the elements like an arctic explorer to get to the local coffee shop with my neighbors Kira and Tiffany. Then, when the snow had lightened to a mere twinkle in the air we went outside to play!

I mean play! Sledding, snowball fights, face washes, tromping through thigh deep snow. It was one of those great times when everything else seems unimportant and friends and fun were all that mattered.

So, the branches above next to my head are usually a few feet above me. Crazy snow!

St. Kitts

2008-01-29T15:43:00.000-06:00

Yes, yes, I know that it almost two weeks after the fact, but better late than never, right? I think so...

An haiku in honor of St. Kitts:

St. Kitts, small island
Jon's tropical paradise
Sunshine warms deeply

Ok, so maybe that was not my very best haiku, but it's been a while...I may be a bit rusty. I've got to say there is something wonderful about wearing a sundress with bare legs and arms on January 15. Liz and I made a leisurely start to each day, waking up between 9:00 and 10:00, throwing on a swimsuit, flipflops, and a coverup, and grabbing a coffee and croissant before making our way to the poolside lounge chairs. There we spent the next hours soaking the sun deep into our bones. I think, just maybe, there is something healing about sunshine. I felt warm all the way to the core!

Jon joined us as soon as his classes were finished and most days we went out and did something "island-y." There was a long walk down the beach on the Atlantic side, a drive out to North Friar's beach with Otis and Jon's vet school friends (along with all their dogs), a hike up the volcano, snorkeling in the Carribean, dinner at Jon's place, Wilbur the (very huge) pig, monkeys, goats, cows, VERY good food. It was a great trip that ended too quickly!

So Good

2008-01-18T10:11:00.000-06:00

This is going to be a very short post...

St. Kitts with Liz and Jon was awe-some!

More to come later...maybe even pictures. Get excited!

Heading South Too!

2008-01-04T00:03:00.000-06:00

St. Kitts here I come!

I am, oh so, very excited about joining Elizabeth and visiting Jon down, down, down south...where the weather is WARM, WARM, WARM! I know that the sun is very bad for me and for my skin, but I'm going to get all SPFed up and let the heat from the sun soak deep, deep, deep into my bones. It seems to me that it could be very therapeudic.

You know, I miss him. I think about him all the time. I see pictures of him and I am blown away by the fact that he isn't here anymore. In pictures he seems so alive, so present, so full of life. Even now, almost two months after the fact, I still have to talk myself into believing it. I loved, and truly still love, him so much. (So good to know that Christian is still Christian and I will know him again...and then forever!) Such a great big brother.

I taught a bunch of lessons today. I'm on my way to 'full time' again. I know its been a crazy long time to be away, but its been good to have the time off and concentrate on all that has happened. But now, it feels really good to see my students, to remember that this is something that I love to do and that I really care about each one of them.

Forever

2007-12-19T23:45:00.000-06:00

You know, I'm not sure how people do this grieving thing without faith in a good God.

Every single day is a new realization of absence and being faced with the reality that Christian is not here and won't be.

When I was little and we were learning about heaven and eternity in Sunday School I remember getting so frustrated that I couldn't understand what forever actually meant. My brain would think about a long, long time, but there was always an end. Then I would start over from that point and try again only to be met by that same end. I've come to accept that my mind is a finite thing and eternity is infinite so there is no earthly way to truly understand what eternity is.

I sort of feel like I'm six again, trying to understand forever and just not getting it. True, I only have to think about life here on earth without Christian, but it kind of feels like eternity. He isn't here, he can't be here, and he won't be here. Once again, I find my mind thinking about not being able to see Christian for a really long time, and then my mind wants to put an end to it. Kind of like, maybe after that really long time I'll be able to hang out with him again. All of this thought seems firmly rooted in the temporal...the here and now.

The "here and now" is a consuming place to be. I get wrapped up in every minute of the day. I've said this recently, but I feel as if there is a new awareness to each minute, each passing breath, that is how "in the moment" I feel. But in order to feel hopeful I am forcing myself to remember eternity, remember that my loss is temporary (no matter how awful it is right now).

I WILL see Christian again someday. I say this with every confidence. The reason that Christian was a great man (at 31 years old) is Christ living in him. Christian understood and was learning more and more the truth that he was living for eternity and to give all glory to his Creator God!

Arlington

2007-12-13T22:12:00.000-06:00

It was a sunny morning...I'd hoped it would be cloudy and grey, and the weather ended up cooperating with me. By the time we drove into Arlington National Cemetery the sky was overcast and the air was heavy. Our family, loaded in two long black limos, followed the Army band, the hearse, and eight soldiers marching as pallbearers. Behind us was a long row of cars and six Harley-Davidsons carrying the Patriot Guard brought up the rear.

The screeching cry of a hawk greeted us as we exited the cars. It dove down and landed on a branch just above us as we walked through the long rows of white headstones towards the grave where Christian's body would be buried. That hawk echoed the cry that my heart has been screaming for the past five weeks.

The band played "America the Beautiful," the pallbearers folded the flag, the chaplain said "ashes to ashes...dust to dust," we sang the doxology:

"Praise God from whom all blessings flow,
praise him all creatures here below,
praise him above, ye heavenly host,
praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. Amen.

Four Blackhawk UH-60 helicopters, the same kind of aircraft that Christian died flying, flew over low, in tight formation in respect for the service that Christian gave as an officer, pilot, and soldier in the United States Army. Tears flowed down my cheeks. I know that Christian loved to fly! What a fitting tribute. If we had to do this thing, bury Christian, this is how it should have been done.

The Secretary of the Army Pete Geren, Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan, Major General Rowe representing General Casey (Chief of Staff) came to offer condolences. There were many of Christian's fellow soldiers; from his cadet days in ROTC at Wheaton College, from Korea, from rugby, from Ft. Rucker, AL, from Aviano, Italy. Washington DC was far from our hometown, but so many people showed up. What a testimony to the effect that Christian had in every area of his life.

Funeral

2007-12-09T07:38:00.000-06:00

Yesterday shouldn't have had to happen. All day on Thursday and Friday I kept thinking how I didn't want to see all these people I love here in Racine, I didn't want them to be here...not for this. How about a wedding, graduation, or a landmark anniversary, but a funeral? For my big brother? That can't really be happening. There were services in Italy already, but this memorial service here in Racine at our home church in his home town seems so final.

As phone calls and emails drifted in about all the family and friends that were coming for the service my mind kept wandering to the thoughts that Christian would have loved all this! Any excuse to be with the people he loved was an excuse for a party. I looked around and saw more extended family together than any wedding has brought, friends of Christian's from all corners of the United States, people who grew up with Christian, or just loved our family. In that moment I felt the support of all of the hours and hours of prayer that have been lifted up for our families.

All of the best things about Christian were talked about at the service, and I was thinking about how at funerals everybody always gives glowing reviews of the person who died. The thing is, from my perspective, as somebody who knew Christian for my whole life, it was all true. That was really, truly the person that Christian was! Good, kind, fun, goofy, generous, loving, adventurous, fun, loving, tender, but just so alive. It seemed that every minute we spent together was to the fullest, whether it was chatting on the phone, riding the motorcycle, travelling, playing games, watching movies. Makes it so hard that he is dead. I hate saying it, but if I don't I won't really believe it.

I wish more than anything that I could hear him say "Give everyone a hug for me" even one more time. This is so hard. I truly know what it means to physically hurt because of the sorrow. I never knew I had so many tears.

Still somehow, because of God's grace I'm sure, I am still praising the Lord that Christian is more alive than he ever was here. Christian is free. Again because of God's grace I know that He is Good, and His love endures forever.

Services

2007-11-28T14:10:00.001-06:00

For those of you who are interested or wondering about funeral/memorial services for my brother, Black Hawk pilot, CPT Christian Skoglund here are the details:

Memorial Service:

Saturday, December 8, 2007 @ 2:00pm
Racine Bible Church
12505 Spring Street
Sturtevant, WI 53177

Funeral:

Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Visitation & Service @ 6:00-8:00pm
Murphy's Funeral Home in Arlington, VA

Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Burial Service @ 11:00am
Arlington National Cemetery

If anybody has any questions, please don't hesitate to ask. We want these services to be a celebration of Christian's life and faith and all are welcome to attend. Thanks to all for your prayers and support during this hard time.

Because of the Lord's faithfulness,

Maja Kay Skoglund

One thing at a time...

2007-11-27T10:35:00.000-06:00

One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. Minute by minute, hour by hour. This has taken on new meaning for me in the past two and a half weeks. I never thought I was one to live outside of the present, and that living for today (and not what may come tomorrow) was important, but I'm not sure that I really understood.

There is a new consciousness to every minute I'm awake. My mind moves constantly, I'm aware of every breath. Every minute that ticks by is one farther away from Christian's life here on earth. I feel as if I'm trying to hold on to the minutes so they don't slip by so fast, but like a handful of sand those minutes run through my fingers. Right here, right now is as close to him as I'll ever be. And yet, even as I write this I know that these thoughts are only partly true.

Time here on earth marches on and I feel as if I'm losing touch already, and that is a whole other kind of grieving. My sister-in-law posted a video of Christian and I watch that many times a day so my ears remember the sound of his teasing and so I see the mischievous glint in his eyes. He was so full of life...

No, he IS so full of life. I know, because of the faith that we shared, that my brother is rejoicing with his Heavenly Father. I know that for the one who committed his life to the Lord, "to be absent from the body, is to be present with the Lord." I know that Christian is living as he was created to live, in the presence of his Savior, Jesus Christ. I know that I will see him again some day because I have put my faith and trust in the redemptive work of Jesus Christ on the cross and in his resurrection.

Coming Home

2007-11-24T06:50:00.001-06:00

I've been up since quarter after four. I think it must be jet-lag, or maybe I stayed in bed too long yesterday, or maybe my mind has too much to think about. Its going to be a gray day, I think. We came back from Italy to a dusting of snow on the cars and the lawn with splotches of white. I finally made it back to the apartment on Friday night.

A stack of cards on my bed, dropped off or mailed from friends remind me why I've been gone for two weeks. As if I needed reminding. Remnants of the make-shift bed I'd made on the couch the night before Christian died bring back the flood of emotions from November 7 and 8. It was the best and then the worst days of my life juxtaposed against one another.

On Wednesday we welcomed Alissa and Isaac's little boy, 9lbs 4oz, healthy and hearty with a full head of dark hair. Seriously, that had to be one of the best days of my life. Seeing Alissa, who in so many ways is my sister, have this baby was amazing. I stood outside the door and prayed for the safe delivery while Alissa pushed and I heard the team inside say "One more and you're finished" and then the first cry brought tears of joy to my eyes. I loved the little boy and I hadn't even seen him yet.

"There's been a crash in Italy." That greeted me on Thursday morning...the very next morning. I can't even explain the panic, but I held on to the shred of hope that this was Christian, he would make it. My prayer on the drive home was only "Lord, let him be ok," over and over and over. Then the call that he was alive, but critical, followed shortly by the news of his death. There is no way to be prepared for that kind of phone call.

We all, Elizabeth, my mom and dad, my brothers and I, the Nordberg family, extended family, are staring at the face of a seemingly impossible job. Learning to live without Christian. The constant reminder that it will never be the same comes at every turn. Its a big hole to fill, I'm sure it won't ever feel okay or right, only less painful. I know I've said it already, but I have a Hope in my Heavenly Father that Christian is rejoicing with in the realization of his salvation! I will see him again someday and then I will never have to say good-bye again! This sorrow is only for this night and joy will come in the morning.

The Eulogy

2007-11-23T15:29:00.000-06:00

This is the eulogy that my dad gave at the memorial service on Aviano Air Force Base. I'm not sure how he did it, but his voice was strong and clear, given strength, I'm sure, by the Holy Spirit. It was a testimony of Christian's faith and life and I am SURE that there will be somebody whose heart will be changed because of the life that Christian led. So, for those of you who have not seen this in one of the many places that it has been posted, or did not hear it...

When Captain Skoglund was born on August 2, 1976, we named him Christian. That was our highest hope for him – that he would become one of Christ’s men. We have watched that happen to a greater and greater degree as the years have passed.

Christian loved what God loves – His amazing creation - the earth, the sky, the awesome experience of mountains and water; but even more – he has loved and enjoyed the people the Lord has brought into his life. My wife Kay and I and his three siblings – Maja, Erik and Lars, his wife Liz, and many, many friends and family, have enjoyed him for 31 years. He has brought incredible warmth and always unpredictable excitement to our life in lots and lots and lots of ways. The last, and best of all, was this time in Italy with his wonderful wife Liz as they loved life and each other for these last 16 months.

We are very thankful for Christian’s opportunities in the military. He loved flying and he loved his fellow soldiers. We have been so impressed by the “military family” and their love and support. But there’s a bigger reason for my thanks. In this environment, everyone knows what it means to be under orders. It’s not just a specific responsibility but being in a state of accountability. Because of his army life, Christian has learned in recent years what it means to be under orders, not just from his military superiors, but also under orders from his loving Lord. The joy and winsomeness that you have seen in him are due to the fact that Christian embraced His command heartily.

We have heard from lots of people: military both here and around the world, many rugby players, fellow students from schools that Christian has attended, extended family,and they all say that he was a person “who was comfortable in his own skin, that he was able to stand alone in a crowd while still loving people and enjoying the situation.”

Here’s why. Scripture is clear that God makes each of us uniquely and carefully according to His design. We are never complete and truly fruitful until we cooperate with that design, and we never know that design until we relate in humility and submission to the Lord of life. We are created by Him and for Him. Christian understood that, and his actions and commitments in life were all part of his commitment to being the man that God wanted him to be.

For some time now, since Christian has been assigned around the world, our times together have ended with a hearty, “See you later!” Sometimes “later” is months or more, sometimes just tomorrow morning, but we never say “Good-bye,” it’s always “See you later!” That is no different now. It’s just that Christian has left this life, so “See you later!” may take a little longer. Christian has been so many places around the world where I still have not been, and may never be. Now he’s gone ahead to one more new place but this time I know I will join him someday. We are convinced that for those who “believe in their heart and confess with their mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord,” this is our future. In fact, eternal life, the gift of God, is an abundant life that begins at the moment the soul awakens and acknowledges the Savior. Christian has shown us all a little taste of what it means to live abundantly!

We grieve because much of what we anticipated in this life can never happen. We grieve because there is a tremendous hole in so many lives where Christian lived. We grieve because we know that our path to the next “See you later!” may be longer and more difficult than any so far, BUT we do not grieve because we are without hope, or that we have lost him forever. God’s grace will be sufficient for this life, and God’s promise will carry believing hearts into great joy. Praise God for His manifold gifts to us that have come to us in and through Christian Skoglund.

To all of you, I want to say thank you for all that you have meant to Christian and to us…

and to Christian, I want to say – SEE YOU LATER!!

Packing Out

2007-11-22T23:17:00.001-06:00

We finished packing out. The Italian moving men came in and quickly and efficiently packed up the house in Fontana Fredda, Italy. Liz's household goods were wrapped in bubble wrap, sealed into boxes, then stacked in crates to be sealed and put into storage. This, for the most part, went smoothly.

I should clarify, logistically the packing went smoothly. For the emotions it was rough and ragged. On Monday, before the packers came, we tried to help Liz decide what came quickly to the states and what should be stored long term. As the day wore on we all became increasingly sad and somber. Before bed I went down into Christian's room, really a room that acted as a closet and "man space." It smelled like him, it looked like him, it felt like he was going to walk through the beaded curtain any second. I couldn't help but think that to pack it all up would really feel like an end.

Here, in Italy, Christian and Liz had become "Christian & Liz!" They had been in a place where, in the beginning, they only had each other and the Lord. A solid foundation for a beautiful picture of what a godly marriage was intended to be. I didn't see them in the mundane, every day routine of life, but in the conversations and visits I saw my brother in a very good place. With Elizabeth and the Lord as number one in his life, Christian was the best version of himself I'd ever known. I thank the Lord that Elizabeth was my brother's wife and that she is my sister-in-law.

Packing up the house in Italy meant saying a little bit of goodbye. This place, where he was so happy, was bit by bit, piece by piece, being packed up and stowed away. I watched my mom do his last laundry and wept when I realized that would be the last time. I don't pretend to know the emotions of being a parent, but I do know that my parents loved Christian, and each of us, with an unfailing love. An unfailing love that has been a picture of the love of my Heavenly Father. Again, I rest in the Everlasting Arms that have proven themselves faithful again and again.

November 21, 2007

2007-11-20T12:55:00.000-06:00

Being here in Italy for the last week and a half has been surreal. The flight here was so tough, there were so many tears and vacant stares that the people around us could only conclude that there had been some sort of death in our family. Even then though, we were grieving as people with a Hope. In the midst of uncontrollable tears my dad's voice could be heard reading the Psalms, in a low and comforting voice.

My sister-in-law's brothers landed just before us on Saturday November 10, and as soon as we saw them we were all very emotional, but it was so good that we were all here. For a week there was 11 of us all together which at times intensified the loss and at others it helped to lessen the pain. Our families have knit together in a new way because of this loss. Since meeting each other, our families have grown closer and closer, but in the face of this tragedy I feel as if the bond has been forged even stronger. We each knew Christian in a bit of a unique way and will each keep memories in different ways. It is good to remember and rejoice in the person that Christian was and now IS.

We have seen so much in the past week and a half. I saw my brothers body loaded, along with five others, into the back of a plane, draped with an American flag and treated with the utmost respect. I saw each one of the Skoglund and Nordberg families weeping in grief. I saw faces that were smiling with the memories of the man that Christian was. I saw hundreds of soldiers standing in a hangar because they too were grieving the loss of these men. I saw my sister-in-law singing "It is Well With My Soul" with her hand raised to the Lord. The emotions of the past two weeks have been up and down and back and forth, but I am confident that the Lord is bearing us all up and underneath are the Everlasting Arms.

November 20, 2007

2007-11-20T04:14:00.000-06:00

Somehow, right now, it seems appropriate to start blogging again. Who knows if I wll write more than once, but I guess I need a place to say the things I am experiencing right now.

Almost two weeks ago my big brother was killed in a helicopter crash in Italy. He was the pilot of a Blackhawk helicopter and something went awfully wrong, although nobody knows exactly what happened yet. All those around him say that he was an excellent pilot, one who went exactly by the books. His first seargent said that he landed the helicopter in such a way to preserve as many lives as possible.

All that aside, I don't know how to fit this loss into my life. I have been sad before, I have had many losses in my life. There are no grandparents left, almost all of my grandparent's generation have died, but nothing...nothing like this. My brother was 31 years old and he was 6'4", 215 lbs. and seemingly indestructable. The possibility of him dying had never crossed my mind. I got a call on Novemeber 8 that there had been a crash, then the news that he was alive, but seriously injured, then the call that he had not survived.

But...the Lord is faithful. I HAVE to believe that, otherwise there can be no purpose to this. Somehow, somewhere, in some way the Lord's name will be glorified. Already I have seen evidence of the Lord at work in this community, on base and in the community. Everybody who knew Christian, or worked with him, or spent any time with him recognized that he was a man who was singleminded in his life. His purpse, that has been obvious as we pack his things and as we sat in his office, was to honor the Lord in all he did, whether that was to be a good commander/officer, husband, son, brother or friend.

The Joys of Being an Apple Owner

2007-07-08T11:47:00.000-05:00

So...

I am the proud owner of an Apple iBook G4. She's a cute little thing, just turned three years old and still running like a champ. Now, I know that the new lines of Apple computers are sleeker, faster, and more powerful, but I still love my laptop. While I am still one of the biggest Apple cheerleaders around, my time with this current machine has been far from problem free. However, on the other side of a replaced logic board and a number of software issues, I am still a very big fan.

As a matter of fact, I would have to say that Apple provides some of the best customer service around. Because of a couple of early issues with the iBook, I purchased the AppleCare program. Just one week before my contract was going to run out, my optical drive suddenly stopped working...I mean really stopped working. It spit out a CD with part of the drive on it. I made a call, they recommended that I take the computer in to the Apple store, he made me an appointment for the next day, and I took the computer in.

Virtually no questions asked, they took the computer and within a week I have a brand new drive in it...a huge repair, 100% covered. Thank you Apple...I am loyal!

Change, change, change...will do me good.

2007-06-04T23:16:00.000-05:00

True to the last blog post, this has been a week of CHANGE! Nothing bad, lots really good, and some just different. Knowing that change was soon coming my way, I contemplated and prepared and thought I had my emotions under control. Yet, just when I think that I am so smart to be ahead of the game, I realize that no matter how much one prepares for what is ahead the emotional upheaval will have some sort of effect on my life.

One of the things that I have always been thankful for is a sense of steadiness in my life. Since the transition I made from college to post-college life I've been the kind of girl that is not a roller coaster of feelings, I feel as if I take things in stride and even if there is a tough situation I can let things roll off my back. This is a gift straight from the Lord, and a testament to the love and support of my family, and I know it!

This weekend though, man alive, it was up and down, back and forth, but I think I really learned a lot in a very short amount of time, and to be able to see that learning while it was happening was a blessing. Moving to Milwaukee has been an exciting idea in my mind for over a year, and it still is, but at the same time it has rocked my sense of steadiness. As things are in flux, I feel as if I am standing on unsure ground.

As that last sentence came out of my fingertips, I am reminded that however unsure I am in my earthly life, I am not on unsteady ground! I rest in the love of my earthly parents and siblings, but I know that is just a dim shadow of the love that my Heavenly Father has for me! That Love is a Strong Tower, it is a Rock, it is a Shelter, it is a Mighty Fortress, it is Shelter, none of those things, none of them, are things of unsteadiness or insecurity. I am so thankful that the Lord is faithful to use things, even writing this blog, to teach me to be completely dependent upon him!

CHANGE!

2007-05-22T22:11:00.000-05:00

What a time of change! There are less than two weeks left until moving day. I have so many thoughts that I almost don't know how to sort them out. I feel as if one big change is the catalyst for other changes, big and little, to happen in my life.

I think back to the year after I graduated from college. Talk about big change! I graduated in December 2002 and moved home leaving most of my friends with another semester to spend together. The changes I remember were traumatic at the time, maybe less so now as I reflect, but big ones in my oh-so-young life! There was the disappointment of a fizzled romantic relationship, the death of one grandmother and then the other, the marriage of a close friend and the engagement of a lifetime kindred spirit, the loss of a community of my immediate peers, the decision to go to grad school, the summer of few friends, and the list seems as if it could go on and on!

Woven in amongst all of these changes was the gentle prodding, which soon turned into a persistent chasing, of the Holy Spirit. I remember, after bouts of spiritual dryness, or during particularly sad times, how comforting I found the promises of Scripture to be. As I am in the midst of so many changes and gearing up for a host of others, I hope I can remember the way that there was sometimes sweet, sometimes fierce, and always persisitent guidance of the Holy Spirit in my life and recognize it here and now in the present.

Am I really a blogger?

2007-05-13T23:00:00.000-05:00

I'm going to blame a busy schedule for my lack of recent posts, which is so lame. Everybody has a busy life and if writing the blog is important to me, I just need to carve out just a little niche of time to post.

So, is blogging important to me? Ummm, I think so, yes.

Why is blogging important to me? Now this is the question that begs an answer. I guess, as I've stated before, that I've come to enjoy writing more and more as I get a little bit older. Maybe I'm becoming more reflective and contemplative as well, but mostly I love reading blogs, and how presumtuous of me to expect to read other's blogs without contributuing something for them to read and have an opinion about.

Here goes another go around at the regular blogging...In the beginning I said that I was going to blog once a week, most preferably on Sunday afternoons with a cafe mocha (hot or iced, I'm not picky) sitting on the table next to me. I think that is an admirable goal and one that I will strive to keep. I will even post pictures very soon!

But now, what juicy or interesting little morsel of my life can I share with those who read the blog? I should do a quick rundown of life from the last couple of months...but that would take to much time. I'm just going to say, I'm very excited to be moving to the East Side with Bethany MacKay and Amy Brooks. June 1st is the move in day so if anybody is looking for something to do that weekend, I'm sure we could help with that:) I also love how much love and support I am getting from my mom and dad and brothers. I may be just a little biased, but I may come from the absolute best family on earth!

I need to write a whole blog on how wonderful my mother is (and I will), but to celebrate the amazing woman my mom is I just want to say HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

We got it!

2007-04-23T22:28:00.000-05:00

You are reading the blog of a brand new East-sider! We got the apartment! Just thought I'd let people know that I am excited about it...does anyone have a couch?

Here's to Hoping

2007-04-19T08:07:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday, April 15, 2007, we went out to find an apartment. We had our list of open houses in hand and we proceeded to map out our route. The first stop was the Embassy Building, 1914 Prospect, between Lafayette and Kane. This is our dream location, three blocks from Alterra Coffee on the lake, just a couple blocks from the other Alterra on Prospect, and four or five from Whole Foods. It felt like the East Side of Milwaukee, through and through!

The first impression was very promising. The lobby had character, that was one requirement for finding an apartment, it needed to have some personality. This was a step in the right direction. There were old brass fixings on the walls an the railings were polished brass as well, even the mail boxes seemed to have some class. Up one flight of stairs and into an apartment that smelled of paint, there were paint pans and drop cloths scattered throughout the place (yay for a fresh coat of paint).

The place was huge, the details were interesting and there were two, count 'em, two full bathrooms. Hardwood floors, built in shelving, lots of windows. Was it stupid to want the first place we looked at?! We went to the next place and it had many of the same qualities, just a bit shabbier (for a bigger price tag). I just couldn't get excited about it. As we sauntered back to the car the conversation was, should we just try for the first one?, should we keep looking?, what should we do?

The conclusion was that the Embassy building felt like it was the right one and so with a deep breath and a determined attitude we went back and asked to fill out a rental agreement! So, everyone who reads this; we want this apartment! It is ours, pending the reference checks and such. I can't think of any reason we wouldn't get it, but please pray that all goes well. I am SO excited

Haikus gone missing!

2007-03-22T11:54:00.000-05:00

The haikus are on hiatus! I am burned out from those little seventeen syllable poems. Don't get me wrong I still love and appreciate the power of a well written haiku, but they have started to get mundane and formulaic. I have begun to notice a trend. Whenever I had a really good meal, play an interesting soccer game, or have a very busy, stressful day I end up writing the haiku of the day about it. I need brainstorms about topics to write about...if anyone has any ideas for me, I am more than open for suggestions.

Spring Break 2007

2007-03-18T23:36:00.000-05:00

Its been a month since I blogged last! Eeeek! Well, maybe this is me turning over a new leaf, actually, I hope this is me turning over a new leaf.

I just got home from the best, most fun, spring break I've had in years. Ah, the beauty of being a teacher...I still get to celebrate that spring break thing that most people just get to remember with great longing.

Anyways, I'm exhausted from a day of travelling, but Bethany MacKay and I just got home from Italy mere hours ago. It was an amazing week of seeing my brother and sister-in-law, seeing the sights of Italy, and just relaxing. We saw Florence, Venice, Padua, Sacile, Nove, and the inside of the Frankfurt airport (which by the way still allows smoking inside!?!). Definitely more details very soon...even pictures when I get them on the computer.

Writing 101...Senior year?!?

2007-02-18T22:19:00.000-06:00

When I started this online journal I made a loose promise to blog once a week, or so. There are many posts, nearly thirty, if I remember correctly. That probably averages out to nearly one a week. However, they have not come weekly as promised. For this, I am sorry.

The main purpose behind this blog was to keep my brother and sister-in-law apprised of the events happening in my life, as my bro always says, "Details, I want details!" This blog has turned out to be more of a chronicle of fun events and humorous circumstances than a weekly update on the details of my life. One thing that I have discovered in my time as a blogger is that I enjoy writing!

SHHHHH! Don't tell my Writing Effective Prose professor. I waited until my senior year of college to take that infernal, freshman level course. And then I only got a B. Writing was not a passion for me, but I felt as if I could put out a good paper. When this class began the prof proceeded to pick writing apart to the tiny, seemingly inconsequential details. I'm sure that I learned something, but after that class I always, ALWAYS, turned in papers with a question mark as to my paragraph lengths, word choices, citation style, never again did the confidence of my previous college experience back me up.

Ah well, I suppose learning a little bit from a good teacher can show you just how little you really know about a subject. Maybe, that is what I was suffering from there. Even still, I am glad to say that I have found fun, relaxation, deep thought, and even joy from the writing of these blog entries! If for nothing else than laughing at my own posts, this blog is a success in my eyes.

Thoughts on Cold

2007-02-07T11:46:00.000-06:00

You wanted winter?!?! There you go.

The sub-zero temperatures have been a source of great distress to me. I mean, the foremost thoughts in my mind these days have been 'how many layers can I wear and still be able to move?' and 'is it really necessary to wear my coat INside in order to stay warm?'

We have this jacket that we affectionately call the Walking Sleeping Bag. My mom bought this coat in the early 1990's and it has been hanging around ever since. It seems to have extraordinary characteristics. For example, it fits anybody that puts it on. My brother Lars often puts this coat on if a quick run outside is necessary, and the sleeves are long enough and the front zips close with ease. All members of this household, past and present, have taken turns wearing this coat. All people who put on this coat end up looking the same size, about on par with the Michelin Man or the Marshmallow man from Ghostbusters. It also is full length and iridescent maroon. A color, I am certain, that they stopped producing in 1994.

The extreme cold weather has caused me to ruminate on the merits of this coat. I am thankful that the Walking Sleeping Bag hangs in our back closet. Last night, after I had been asleep for over an hour, my brother knocked on my door to tell me that my car was parked on the wrong side of the street. I have no doubt that his intentions were noble and even that he would have moved the car if he had been able (alas, Hans has a manual transmission and Erik, while wonderful in many ways, is unable to maneuver the stick shift car).

I was ready to tempt fate, try my chances of getting a parking ticket and just stay in bed, all warm under my down comforter and 'mink.' Although, seeing I was awake, shouldn't I just save the possible $15 parking ticket and move the dumb car? It was just torture, thinking that I would have to brave the arctic chill just to move the car. But then, hope sprang eternal! I had the Walking Sleeping Bag to save the night! To the closet I sped, I threw on said coat, tied the cute little bow fasteners on the front and slipped my feet into shearling boots. Out I went, running down the driveway, swiping clear the windshield with a purple clad arm, into the car, through a treacherous u-turn, into a parking spot on the opposite side of the street, out of the car, up the driveway, into the house, out of the coat and boots, and back into a still warm bed. Not a goosebump to be seen. Ah, the wonder of it all!

I do not love the cold weather, but without it the Walking Sleeping Bag would never have existed. How I love the Walking Sleeping Bag!

Guac-Off

2007-01-25T08:32:00.000-06:00

So, the rumor on the street is that there is going to be a guacamole contest, otherwise known as a Guac-Off. My friend Dan Haydn and I are both big guacamole fans and we've both been known to make a mean batch of the green goodness. So, over burritos at Beans and Barley the idea to have a hang-out night with two kinds of guacamole was tossed around. Just days later, as we sat at Oscar's after Impact, a contest was mentioned. I, being the competitive spirit that I am, jumped right in on that idea.

This week, as told by one Ryan Leavitt, avacados are buy-one-get-one-free at your friendly neighborhood Jewel. If this is the case, what better time to have a Guac-Off? I can see it now...a new annual, or even bi-annual event. Guacamole makers and lovers far and wide will be flocking to the suburbs of Milwaukee just to be a part of this wondrous contest. What started as two 20-somethings having a friendly competition just may turn into a new phenomenon.

I am, however, a little nervous. What if people don't like my guacamole? What if it is terrible? What if I get a bad batch of avacados? What if I've been bragging about something that actually doesn't taste any good? This really could be a humbling experience...how does it go? Ah yes, pride cometh before the fall. Oh well, all in good fun, all in good fun. Get ready for some guac-a-mo-le!

And here are the contestants:

Yeah, Soccer!

2007-01-19T11:57:00.000-06:00

I love playing soccer! Now, I have no illusions about my actual ball handling skills (they are not spectacular), but I think I can hold my own on defense. I played a ton of soccer in high school. I was on a club team for fall and summer outdoor, winter indoors and then spring was the high school season. Our club team had some really great players, but I think that our coach taught us to play a little rough. You know, throw a hip or shoulder and then be the one to fall and get the call for your team. He never actually said to do these things, but most of the girls I played with ended up being physical players.

Since high school I played a bunch of co-ed intermurals in college and have been on a few co-ed adult rec teams and those are a bunch of fun. Sometimes a little limited on how many touches on ball you get, but a great work-out nonetheless. But, this fall my cousins got the itch to play and they set up a women's indoor team and I am having SO MUCH FUN! Why is it that I get such a rush out of being hip checked into the walls, and in the process taking out a girl and then watching as she gets a penalty for the play? What does this mean? On the way home from games we replay every rough play of the game and almost brag about what is going to be sore the next day and who is going to have the biggest bruises. Plus, It is almost a little bit of glory to have black and blue marks, on their way to turning greenish-yellow, left over from the week before.

All this conversation interspersed with talk of the cute jacket that we saw at Banana Republic, who is getting their hair cut, or when a new episode of Lost is finally going to be aired. After all, we are still a little bit girly!

The Place of Scripture

2007-01-15T17:06:00.000-06:00

This is just a little piece of a prayer that I prayed in the summer of 2006. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I found use for it again, just recently.

"Lord, Before I even open my Bible I must confess, I am coming from a very dry spiritual time. Not so evident to those around me, but the dryness of my heart has been chaffing against the persistent prodding of the Holy Spirit. "

I was thinking about why I fall into the pattern of neglecting the study of Scripture so easily and I came up with a theory. My best and most affective times of study, in any area of life, are when I have a purpose behind my study. So, I choose to have a purpose.

My purpose will be, and is, to study Scripture in order to show myself the wonders and the riches of the promises of God to his people and then to let those promises seep into my life and out of my thoughts, words, and actions. My purpose to to be transformed into the person that God desires for me to be. I desire nothing more than to be a woman of God. Scripture is where I belong.

Christmas Break ~ Family, Friends, and Fun

2007-01-02T15:03:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas!
Amy, Maja, and Alissa at Christmas Eve dinner at the Black's

Captions from Top to Bottom:

Our friend, Philip Springmann, from growing up went shopping at the Gap. Alissa was working and invited him to our "Day After Christmas Bash."

This was the "family pic" on Christmas night. After a whole day of relaxing with my parents and brothers some friends, Beth, Kira, and Dave, came down to Racine to catch the movie, Pursuit of Happyness.

Part of the SNAP reunited! Mark was just back from Malaysia and in town for a little while so we got brunch at The Original Pancake House. Yum!

This was the group for New Year's Eve. Beth, Jon, Hannah, James, Liz, Noelle, Drew, Dan, and Maja! Happy 2007!

Christmas!

2006-12-26T09:23:00.000-06:00

There were parts of celebrating Christmas that may just have been perfect! I love it when Christmas Eve or Christmas Day actually falls on a Sunday. What better way to celebrate Christ's birth than in a church service? I know that I can remember real purpose of Christmas any day, but going to a church service right in the middle of your preparation or celebration draws the whole purpose for celebrating into focus.

Here is a quick rundown of the Christmas events. Then, if I get some time, or feel ambitious, I'll post some pictures.

On Sunday, Christmas Eve, we had church in the morning and my worship team had to be ready to practice at 7:30am! Craziness...this chica got herself out of bed, showered, dressed, blow-dried, made-up, triple latte-ed, and to church ready to play by 7:26. BAM!

It was a great service and then, off to home to get some last minute preparations done for Christmas. Actually, I cleaned up the tornado that was my room, vacuumed the pit that was my car and ran a few errands to pick up the last few gifts (have I mentioned how much I love to buy presents?). Dinner was at the Black's house, which was so great because we didn't have to set tables, dust every nook and cranny, or wash floors before having dozens of people over.

Then NAP-time! Sunday afternoon nap on Christmas Eve...it doesn't get much better. Dinner was a-maz-ing, euchre with the cousins was so much fun, and did I mention that dinner was a-maz-ing?!?! (There was another great rendition of the Kirkegaard Doxology, see the Thanksgiving post) We sang "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" at midnight and then I went home and finished wrapping presents. Nothing like the last minute!

Christmas Day was awesome too! I'll give the short version. Stockings on my parents bed at 9:30am. Brunch (eggs, bacon, toast, fruit salad, German Apple Pancake) till noon then we cleaned up and moved to the tree. My dad put a fire in the fireplace and we sat and opened presents one by one for most of the afternoon. We took frequent breaks for things like latte's and cookies, a crossword puzzle, and an inter-continental phone call from my brother and sister-in-law (I wish they could have been here, but can't wait to visit!).

The day ended with my friends Beth, Dave, and Kira coming to the house to play Speed Scrabble and then we went to see the Pursuit of Happyness at the new Marcus Theater. That, is a quick summary of an amazing couple of days. I must say that this Christmas season has been so joyful! I was surrounded by so many of the people that I love. I have such a strong connection with so many of them because of the common bond we share through Christ. I am continually reminded of God's love and provision for us in sending his son to earth, to save us from our sins. He lowered himself to be one of us, yet fully God and perfectly holy! Christ was born, then grew up to die on a Roman cross in our place and then he rose again, thereby conquering death and giving us a way to be saved from our sins! That, my friends, is why I love to celebrate Christmas, because of what Christ has done for me!

Worst Test Ever!

2006-12-23T11:47:00.000-06:00

It's been five days since my music history exam. One of the worst studying experiences of my life! I don't think I've ever spent so much time studying for one test, only to feel completely unprepared as I walked into the classroom to actually take the test. Over the course of one semester we whipped through nearly a millennium and a half of musical progress. The final, being completely comprehensive for the whole semester, was a bear. The class was responsible for being able to identify over a hundred pieces of music by title, composer, genre, and date. So basically, the professor played a piece and we have to say what it is. Not only that, we also had to know why they were important, how they fit together, and how they effected the pieces that came after them. Scary! But, as the saying goes, all's well that ends well. It was hard, but I'm glad I studied as much as I did and I think I did alright. It feels so good to be done, I can't even stand it!

Beware, the wierdness!

2006-12-18T21:39:00.000-06:00

Don't say I didn't warn you!

Do you ever have those moments that are so incredibly hysterical, yet if you tried to explain them to an outsider they sound completely dumb? They happen all of the time in my life. Take tonight for example. I'm fried, which always leads to a little punchiness. I was standing at the kitchen counter eating a clementine and these amazing Belgian chocolate chips. An interesting little snack, to be sure. Well, my mom came and was eating them too. I then proceeded to steal some chocolate and then some clementine. My mom, unhappy about her disappearing stash, built a small wall (out of clementine sections) in front of her chocolate. My chocolate attacked and absconded with a section of clementine wall. Then in an effort to fortify her wall, she choose to build another layer of wall, using a squash. Well, my clementine soldiers quickly marched around the squash seven times and then yelled very loudly as the wall came crashing down. All of this to great tears of laughter and raucous yelling. If that doesn't scream "wierdness gene" I don't know what does!

As I read over my story, it sounds ridiculous to the tenth degree, not even really funny. But, isn't that the joy of families and close friends. Things that would normally be mundane and ordinary can turn into fun and unexpected moments of joy! I am so thankful that I have a family with which I can laugh so hard that I cry. It is moments like these I know that I am blessed beyond measure for the love and support that they freely pour into my life. My parents, and brothers too, have shown me what it means to be beloved. So often, they paint a picture of what Christ's love looks like for me!

Three Cheers for Twinkle!

2006-12-13T12:48:00.000-06:00

I was just thinking that it may be time for another post. I feel like saying "everything is just so busy," but I also think that I use that excuse all of the time, so it isn't really even an excuse anymore. I think that every time I make that comment I need to pay myself a fine, you know have a 'busy jar.' I feel like it sounds lame too, because really, everyone is busy and we are all understanding of one another. I guess I'll just have to think of more creative excuses!

Anyways, my fifth grade students, at Heritage Christian School, played their first strings concert today; all four of them. Three violins, Samantha, Abigail, and Ellen, and one viola, Lance. They did so well. You know, when I decided to start teaching I wondered if I would soon grow tired of hearing Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. I'm happy to say that I LOVE Twinkle, even more than when I first started teaching. It represents so much accomplishment and dedication and practice. When my students play Twinkle from start to finish, in tune, with the correct bowing for the first time I almost get a little teary. Shocking, I know, especially coming from me. What can I say?! Maybe the ice is melting and I'm going to turn into a softie after all!

Notification

2006-12-07T12:57:00.000-06:00

Be sure to check out my new feature!

The Daily Haiku - http://haikus365.blogspot.com

It can be found to the right-hand side of the page, under my links. I am excited to share my poetry with you:) You never know what you will find...goofy, informative, or contemplative. It just depends on my mood!

Enjoy!

A Retrospective on Thanksgiving

2006-12-07T12:33:00.000-06:00

Thirty-seven people gathered in our house to eat, nap, watch football, and have a good time! We circled up, or rather joined hands, (in an attempt to make a circle) for prayer before dinner. As I looked around the room at the little ones who are barely three to the octogenarian sitting on the sofa, I had that feeling of such overwhelming blessing. You know, my cup runneth over! God has been so faithful to my family over many generations. I am thankful for the prayers of my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents, and that is to say nothing of my slightly more extended family too!

I woke up to the smell of two huge turkeys in the ovens and hustle and bustle of getting the tables set and the last cleaning done. At one, as I said we prayed for the meal and thanked the Lord for the blessings of the year. At the final Amen our whole family spontaneously sang the Doxology, "Praise God from whom all blessings flow", a tradition that has been around for as long as I can remember. I don't think I could get a recording of that hymn that sounds better, or more joyful, than the Kirkegaard clan!

The day that ensued brought Thanksgiving dinner, then 'touch' football at the park (with about forty people the youngest being seven or so and the oldest in his 60s), home for pumpkin or apple pie, turkey sandwiches for seven o'clock supper, and finally lots of goofing around and speed scrabble. The sound of laughing echoed through the house all day long! I love my family and am so thankful for the close relationships that I have with so many of them...even the shirt-tail cousins. It was a fabulous day!

Does Passion Breed Discontent?

2006-11-30T10:26:00.000-06:00

I believe with all of my heart that the Lord places talents and gifts and desires that lead to passions in our life for a purpose, but recently I was having a conversation with a good friend and the idea of being a passionate person came up. She asked me if I thought that I was a passionate person. She'd always thought that she was a passionate person, but recently she was wondering if she was, or what it meant to be passionate.

So, first off, what does it mean to be passionate? Well, the dictionary defines passionate as 'capable of, affected by, or expressing intense feeling. So, in our case, being passionate should be thought of as the singular desire to be physically, mentally, and even spiritually driven by an idea, a goal, or a person. This is where the question comes in, "does passion breed discontent?"

Is true contentedness possible in our lives as Christians? If in no other area of my life, I am called to be in a passionate relationship with Jesus Christ. The goal and hope in this relationship is that, in my passion for Christ, I will earnestly seek to know Him more all of the time. As Christ is unknowable, in his entirety, this should be a relentless pursuit, with every discovery of truth and fulfilled promise sparking in me a desire to learn more, to love more, and to know more of my Savior. Therefore, my passionate love for Christ will, or should, always create in me a desire for a more vibrant and dynamic relationship. I should never settle with how much I know, but rather push on to know more.

When it comes down to it, when it comes to spiritual things, maybe contentedness is the wrong word. I believe that I am able to be content in where the Lord has me on any given day. If I am seeking after the Lord and His will for my life, I need to trust the Lord and rest in the truth that he has a plan for my life, to prosper me, and give me a hope and a future. The danger grows when we begin to be complacent in our walk with the Lord. Complacency lets us stagnate in the spot where we were, to rely on past lessons, our church involvement and the knowledge we have, rather than the pursuit of Christ-likeness. Passionate love of Jesus Christ should put us in a place where we want Christ's best for our lives and we are actively seeking after that best (Matt 6:25-34)!

I argue that feelings of passion toward an earthly goal or the development of a talent or love are always going to disappoint in the end. It may even be a way to avoid where our passions should truly lie. If we are passionate about Christ, then our earthly pursuits should always be tied to our spiritual pursuits. Passionate diligence in reaching an earthly goal will not be fulfilling in the end, however, that same pursuit, of the same goal with a heavenly perspective will always be fulfilling. A love of some thing or talent or goal needs to be informed by our love of Jesus Christ and what He wants us to do with it. Only then, will our passions leave us in a place that we can be completely content, and only because Christ is the fulfilling presence in our lives.

Mr. P's Discount Tires

2006-11-25T18:06:00.000-06:00

What do a Buzz Lightyear look-alike, a crazy lady, a man in a Jagermeister jacket, two women carrying identically hideous Dooney and Burke purses all have in common? Well, let me tell you. They all lost precious hours of their life waiting with Beth and me in the "lobby" of Mr. P's Discount Tires. Hours never to be retrieved.

I spent a portion of Black Friday (the day after Thanksgiving) with my friend Beth getting a new rim and tire put on her beloved Mercury Tracer station wagon, otherwise known as Gustavus (with the emphasis on the goose). We will never be recommending Mr. P's Discount Tires to our friends. It was a horrible experience made better only by the composition of haikus as we sat and observed the crazy cacophony going on around us.

Let the haiku's speak for the experience:

Beth's car got some flats
Mr. P's is frightening
I'm scared for my life

Jagermeister's mad
I'm smelling like an ash tray
Thank you, Mr. P's

Shady, Shady place
Mr. P's needs a face-lift
People keep coming

Whole foods sounds yummy
Mr. P's makes me pensive
Odd man keeps cursing

Eye Candy walks in
We were getting discouraged
He brightened our day

There you go...they speak for themselves. Hope you enjoyed.

My friends are having babies!

2006-11-20T08:51:00.000-06:00

Top: This is Amara Daub. Jake and Heidi (Kiehlbauch) Daub's little girl. She is a spitting image of her momma.
Middle: We were all at a baby shower for Jeremy and Ruth (Plagemann) Sohre's new baby, Connor Andrew.
Bottom: This is Connor Andrew Sohre, Eva Talley, RJ Smalkowski, and Amara Daub!

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

2006-11-19T13:38:00.000-06:00

Where should I start?

Maybe with the bad. Today, in church, the team that I am on was supposed to lead worship. Rehearsal usually begins at 7:45am, before the service. This is not usually a problem for me. True, sometimes I get there with no make-up on or my hair just out of rollers, but I'm usually punctual.

Not so this morning. Do you ever have one of those mornings where, you have no idea how it was that the alarm didn't wake you up? This was one of those. The alarm was set for 6:25am and I got a call at 8:25 waking me up! That is one of the worst feelings for a musician. Needless to say, I flew out to church with hair askew and morning breath. I did not play for the congregational singing, which is what I usually do, but there was an ensemble piece that I had to be there for. I feel like an idiot. And I still haven't figured out what happened with the alarm (it was set for the right time in the am and it was still on when I got up), I don't know. There you have the bad. Oh, and I killed a rabbit with my car yesterday.

Now this, this is good news. Maybe not for all of you, but definitely for me. I went bowling with some friends last night and I scored my highest score of my life. Bowling, for me, is generally a social occasion. I don't make it a priority to learn the technique or lingo or whatnot. Don't laugh...promise me you won't...I bowled a 120! That was exciting for me, truly exciting.

More good...I went to a new church tonight. Now, now, don't worry. I'm not planning on leaving or switching churches, but I've been curious about this church for a while. They meet on Sunday evenings and are located on the east side of Milwaukee...I love the east side! Epikos is a small church and young in a lot of ways, but I truly enjoyed the service. The congregation seemed quite young, the worship leaders were young, and the head pastor was super young (for a head pastor). The music was good, the preaching was solid, straight from the Word of God, and people were warm and friendly.

Now the ugly, but have no fear there is a happy ending. You know how little kids drool when they are teething and if it is winter their chins get all chapped up? Well, this weekend I had an allergic reaction (I think to the wool in a new sweater) and my chin ended up chap city! It made me feel very self conscious, very. However, I have to make a product endorsement right here. Andra Sina, a skin care company from California that is owned by a friend of my aunt, developed an aloe based healing cream that I am 100% sold on! My chin, in a matter of 24 hours went from super painful to almost gone. Simply amazing!

There you have it...the good, the bad, and the ugly. All wrapped up in one neat and tidy blog.

*This blog is dedicated to my brother and sister-in-law in Italy, here's to the details!*

The "!"

2006-11-16T23:33:00.000-06:00

I think I've fallen victim to the monster of exclamation over-use. I was looking at my past blogs and I realized that I'd ended all but one of my blogs with exclamation points. If you had to make a judgment about who I am by reading my blog, I think you would come away with the wrong picture, all because of those exclamation points. If we talked, I mean had a real face-to-face conversation, all of said conversations would not end with a "WA-HOO!" kind of sentiment. Don't get me wrong, I get involved and invested in my interactions, I'm just not one of those "super" excited types. I think I was using them because I was enthused about the subject matter, (or maybe to be finishing the blog), but not because I'm feeling and exuberant yell inside. Is it proper to use them if you are excited, or does it have be an actual exclamation? Maybe a healthy dose of enthusiasm is all that is needed for a well placed exclamation point. Any thoughts?

The Packers beat who? Oh yeah, the Vikings!

2006-11-12T23:43:00.000-06:00

I'm sure that this was one of the very best Sundays of the season. Church this morning was a pleasure and an encouragement to live my life as is pleasing unto the Lord. Because I am fighting a bit of a head cold, I came home and curled up back in bed. I had a glorious hour and a half of napping, followed by a tasty dinner and the second half of a fantastic Packers-Vikings game. After the game we had celebratory caffe mochas and some time reading the paper. Fellowship time with some of the church family came next and my day ended with some friends at Starbucks playing the beloved game of Speed Scrabble.

I have just a small tribute to the Packers after their exciting victory over the Vikings. A haiku:

Favre and the Packers
Defeated the Viking clan
In their house you won

Way to go Packers, it was a fun game to watch. I always like the ones that are nailbiters. Well, that or run-away victories! Between the Packers (who seem to be improving, knock-on-wood) and the Badgers (who are doing fantastic) football has been fun this fall.

The week in review seems pretty routine, but it was a good week, overall (If we ignore the cold). Impact on Wednesday night was good. The team that I am on lead worship this week. I was a little nervous because we had minimal rehearsal time for this week, but we played with a very scaled back group and I thought it went well. It was just Beth and Pete singing, Pete on guitar, Greg on drums, and my violin. Really chilled out and laid back. We sang some of our team's favorites and I really felt like I got to worship with the whole congregation. We've revived an older song recently and have played it a few times lately. Wonderful, Merciful Saviour, just speaks truth about who God is and what he has done for us.

It is songs like that one that make me love music as a form of worship so much. Because music is such an emotional tool, it is a great way to intersect the truths that we can find in the text with the emotional connection we get because the text is set with music. The integration of knowledge and emotion is something that I've been learning a lot about in many different areas of my life and I think one of the most important is in the way I worship. As a musician, up in front of people, leading people into a spirit of worship, I have such a responsibility to bring the best text, the best music and most importantly a right view of God to the people I'm trying to help lead.

Anyways, that was one of the highlights of the week. I also taught lots of lessons (I love my job), had class (talked about Bach and Handel), played a 10pm soccer game (we lost, but I had a ton of fun), went to a birthday party (made a fantastic cheesecake), and went to the Heritage play (Beth was Asst. Director). Overall, a good week!

Hilton Head, SC

2006-11-12T23:33:00.000-06:00

So, I really like it when people put pictures in their blogs. I haven't taken many pictures lately, but here is one from September. I joined Beth at a pastor's conference, on Hilton Head island, where she was helping lead worship. It was rough work, five days in a beach front resort, but somebody had to do it! This was the night the whole band went out for dinner by the marina. Great fellowship, great scenery, great week!

2006-11-06T19:07:00.000-06:00

This is just a fun picture. We were on our way to go camping and our friend Quinn had a GPS. We were almost there and the next instruction was "In 500 feet, board the ferry." He said he had never heard the GPS say that before. Kinda fun. Beth and I thought that we should document the trip across the river.

Count 'em...ten!

2006-11-06T09:59:00.000-06:00

I got ten, count them, ten hours of sleep last night. To put it simply, amazing! After three really short nights and a lot of miles on my car, I was spent. So, Saturday night I went to see a band play up in Milwaukee and I slipped my driver's license and credit card into my back pocket so I wouldn't have to keep track of a purse, smart move, right? After the ensuing late night, I had to be up and in the car at the crack of dawn to play a church gig in Chicago.

I had my trip all planned. First, I would eat my mug of oatmeal then I would pull off the freeway into the Lake Forest Oasis for a very large, very caffeinated, very hot, very wonderful jolt of liquid energy. And oh, was I looking forward to that latte! But, for those of you who are good at reading between the lines, you know what comes next. As I was about to pull off, I realized that my cash, my credit card, as well as my license were all in the back pocket of last night's jeans. AAAHHHHH! How frustrating. I can't even stand it. So, not only no coffee, but no license which turned me into a very careful driver. I wanted there to be no excuse to get pulled over, and, what if I ran out of gas. Heaven forbid! Anyways, I got to the job, and back home in one piece.

Then a birthday party for my twin, nine year old, first cousins, once-removed. These two crack me up, they are the very definition of string beans! Oh, to be nine again. I think that might be the very zenith of childhood. Still a little girl, but old enough to have some independence from mom. Getting lost in the fun of reading books, loving anything pink and sparkly, having a secret world up in a tree, building forts out of furniture and sheets...so wonderful. Being 26 has its perks though too!

My next project on the world wide web is to figure out how to make my blog pretty. I may need some help, but we'll see. I'd like to think that I've got the brain power to figure it out on my own, but when I have EPKS, computer genius living in my house, it's hard not to ask for help.

Its Monday of a busy week, but a friend of mine recently told me that he is trying to have a better attitude towards Mondays. They get such a bad rap. Think this way, a new week, another chance, a fresh start, a whole week ahead of you, rested from your weekend, what could go wrong? Instead of wishing that it was still Saturday afternoon, revel in the beginning of a new week. Especially on ten hours of sleep!

Success

2006-10-29T18:14:00.000-06:00

So, the procrastinator strikes again. I took that excrutiating midterm and once again I was rewarded for the fabulous cramming techniques I have honed over the past eight years of higher education. Not only was I able to identify all three listenings (out of 60 possibilities) but I also knew the musical score that needed identifying and I rocked out on an essay question about the music of the Reformation and the Counter-Reformation. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm pretty proud of that test.

I talked to my brother and sister-in-law the other day and they were bugging me to blog more and just talk about what is going on. They were the whole inspiration for this blog so I guess I should take their advice and give them what they want to hear. First off, it was so good to talk with them! I miss them both. I know that Liz has only been (technically) family for a few months now, but, even though we've never lived close I wish I could just call them up and go and hang out. Too bad they live in Italy... So, here is to details.

I played my violin in church this morning. Recently, we've formed what they call the YAWT, Young Adults Worship Team. I think we could come up with something better than that. If you have any good ideas, just leave a comment. I really appreciate this group of people, all ready and willing to give their time and talents to serve the Lord. I think that it is such a privilege to be able to lead others in musical worship, even as you yourself are able to worship. Its kind of a unique position.

My mom made a bet with me the reward was a great white shirt from Banana Republic, if, of course, I followed through. She is such a softie...I think she wanted to eat her words as soon as she said them, but I won the bet and I am now the proud owner of a brand new, white, button down blouse. She should know better than to make a bet that involves shopping, especially at a place like Banana. I'll do all I can to win!

I don't know, I guess there aren't a ton of details, but I'm out of things to write. Maybe more before next Sunday, maybe not, we'll see!

The Consummate Procrastinator

2006-10-18T15:22:00.000-05:00

I know that it isn't Sunday afternoon, but as I think about how to go about blogging I've decided that Sunday afternoons are a perfect time to blog. I have this vision of family dinner, leisurely nap under the mink, or in front of the fireplace, then, with steaming mocha in hand, let the creative juices flow.

I know this girl who made a New Year's resolution to blog everyday. Admirable, to be sure, but practical? I think not, not for me anyways. Sunday afternoons seem perfectly suited to a small summary of the previous week's events and some deeply insightful reflections about them.

You know what the real beauty of this blog is? It is going to give me yet another reason to procrastinate. That is one verb I am very good at. As the matter of fact, I am in the thick of a major bout of procrastination right now. I mean, this Thursday brings the midterm of the one class that I am taking this smemster. I neeeed to study, but everything that is in me just wants to fritter away my time.

One little lesson I was reminded of today and then I need to sign off. My friend lost her purse and I was worried that it might have been my fault. I was driving, and I thought I locked the car, but who really knows? I felt horrible! So, for the rest of the night and most of today I was thinking about it. I was thinking how much time it would take to replace everything in the purse and how much money it would take to replace it all (the wallet, the credit cards, the drivers license, the cash, the ipod). I don't always do this, but every time I thought about it, I remembered to pray about it. Guess what? She found it, at a coffee shop in Delafield that we went to! Praise the Lord, I love it that I serve a God that still cares about the little things that I am concerned about. Yes, it was just stuff, but stuff that would have caused major headaches to have missing. Anyways, I was blessed by this little reminder of God's presence in our lives, ALL of the time!

Finally...the weekend!

2006-10-13T21:31:00.001-05:00

As of Friday evening, I still have not had time to figure out how to make my blog pretty or interesting. Ah, well, all in due time, in due time. The thought still comes to me that I have absolutely no idea what to actually blog about. When I think blog, I think interesting, thought provoking, and even a bit humorous at times. None of which I am feeling right now. Let's just say its been a long week!

Between a scary listening exam in my music history class and 5:30am alarms, I am utterly fried. I'm almost never the one to stay home on a Friday night, but the alluring call of my old Wheaton sweatshirt, my down comforter, and a stack of books from the library was so enticing, that the thought of getting in the car and actually going somewhere was almost sickening. A night in is just what I need and its a good night to be in too! I think that winter might be taking an early stab at us. Its been cold!

My little brother is on his way home from school to hang out with the family for the weekend. It's his first post-high school homecoming, so he wouldn't miss it. As much as our house is much calmer without him here, I miss having him around. Never a dull moment with Lars around.

In order to make this blog interesting, I promise to learn the ins and outs of maintaining and updating. I will even attempt some photographs, just be patient with me!

Greetings!

2006-10-11T13:24:00.000-05:00

To the world of the blogger, I'm not sure I quite fit in. However, in the effort to keep up with the Jones' or more specifically the Skoglund's a la Italy, I decided to start a bona fide blog! I'm not quite sure what, in my life, will be of much interest to others, but I'm sure I'll think of something. Well, here's to the fabulous new life of a blog. May it live long and entertain much!