Yesterday shouldn't have had to happen. All day on Thursday and Friday I kept thinking how I didn't want to see all these people I love here in Racine, I didn't want them to be here...not for this. How about a wedding, graduation, or a landmark anniversary, but a funeral? For my big brother? That can't really be happening. There were services in Italy already, but this memorial service here in Racine at our home church in his home town seems so final.
As phone calls and emails drifted in about all the family and friends that were coming for the service my mind kept wandering to the thoughts that Christian would have loved all this! Any excuse to be with the people he loved was an excuse for a party. I looked around and saw more extended family together than any wedding has brought, friends of Christian's from all corners of the United States, people who grew up with Christian, or just loved our family. In that moment I felt the support of all of the hours and hours of prayer that have been lifted up for our families.
All of the best things about Christian were talked about at the service, and I was thinking about how at funerals everybody always gives glowing reviews of the person who died. The thing is, from my perspective, as somebody who knew Christian for my whole life, it was all true. That was really, truly the person that Christian was! Good, kind, fun, goofy, generous, loving, adventurous, fun, loving, tender, but just so alive. It seemed that every minute we spent together was to the fullest, whether it was chatting on the phone, riding the motorcycle, travelling, playing games, watching movies. Makes it so hard that he is dead. I hate saying it, but if I don't I won't really believe it.
I wish more than anything that I could hear him say "Give everyone a hug for me" even one more time. This is so hard. I truly know what it means to physically hurt because of the sorrow. I never knew I had so many tears.
Still somehow, because of God's grace I'm sure, I am still praising the Lord that Christian is more alive than he ever was here. Christian is free. Again because of God's grace I know that He is Good, and His love endures forever.
3 comments:
Oh Maja -
I didn't get to hug you in the line Saturday, but know that I do so in my heart. Your brother was such a man of honor. I have come to know that more through his death then I had chance to in life, and my heart has been so challenged by his testimony! There was so much in his character that Steve and I long and pray for our sons to grow into.
I was gripped through all of the sharing on Saturday - it was such a powerful service. I know that fact is due to Christian's love and service for His God!!!
I am continuing to stand with you in prayer as you go through the days ahead. I'm sure there will be an all to final feeling after Arlington, and yet I know God's grace will sustain and carry you yet again! You are loved!
Maja,
The funeral was a wonderful celebration of Christian's life. Bryn and I wish we had known him better. We just wanted to let you know that we love your family. Our hearts are breaking for you all and we are praying continuously for God's grace to flood your hearts. May Christ peace be what carries you in the days ahead.
Bryn and Luann
Maja -
It was an absolutely beautiful service - a wonderful testament to your brother and your family. I was amazed how much Christian had done in the last few years and what a wonderful husband, son, brother, commander he had truly become!!! You can proudly say that your brother lived his life with no regrets and left a legacy that I hope we will never forget. He definitely loved you all to the fullest!
I hope you got to see the flags outside, it was breathtaking. If not, go to http://pgr.pxxq.com One of the group posted pictures.
You and your family will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers through this rough week and through the holiday season especially.
Know that you are all loved by many of your RBC and Fort family and friends and many are in prayer for you all!
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