Coming Home

I've been up since quarter after four. I think it must be jet-lag, or maybe I stayed in bed too long yesterday, or maybe my mind has too much to think about. Its going to be a gray day, I think. We came back from Italy to a dusting of snow on the cars and the lawn with splotches of white. I finally made it back to the apartment on Friday night.

A stack of cards on my bed, dropped off or mailed from friends remind me why I've been gone for two weeks. As if I needed reminding. Remnants of the make-shift bed I'd made on the couch the night before Christian died bring back the flood of emotions from November 7 and 8. It was the best and then the worst days of my life juxtaposed against one another.

On Wednesday we welcomed Alissa and Isaac's little boy, 9lbs 4oz, healthy and hearty with a full head of dark hair. Seriously, that had to be one of the best days of my life. Seeing Alissa, who in so many ways is my sister, have this baby was amazing. I stood outside the door and prayed for the safe delivery while Alissa pushed and I heard the team inside say "One more and you're finished" and then the first cry brought tears of joy to my eyes. I loved the little boy and I hadn't even seen him yet.

"There's been a crash in Italy." That greeted me on Thursday morning...the very next morning. I can't even explain the panic, but I held on to the shred of hope that this was Christian, he would make it. My prayer on the drive home was only "Lord, let him be ok," over and over and over. Then the call that he was alive, but critical, followed shortly by the news of his death. There is no way to be prepared for that kind of phone call.

We all, Elizabeth, my mom and dad, my brothers and I, the Nordberg family, extended family, are staring at the face of a seemingly impossible job. Learning to live without Christian. The constant reminder that it will never be the same comes at every turn. Its a big hole to fill, I'm sure it won't ever feel okay or right, only less painful. I know I've said it already, but I have a Hope in my Heavenly Father that Christian is rejoicing with in the realization of his salvation! I will see him again someday and then I will never have to say good-bye again! This sorrow is only for this night and joy will come in the morning.